It’s been a lifetime in the past 24 hours. I know I am supposed to be irrevocably happy these few days but really this birthday seems to be hanging like a noose around my neck. I think by far the best birthday I have had was the one I gave myself in 2005 when I went to Hong Kong. It was also a nice day with the best colleagues I have ever had in AW with a cake shoved on my face to boot. Smile, those were the days. Last year was a disaster – the mood building up disharmonious and it seemed that there could be nothing that I could possibly be happy about on this day. Who was born? Not I. I haven’t been alive long enough to be born.
And as you can guess dear blog, this year promises the same dire mood. I had a night of tearing eyes and scorching tempers last night with Birdie. I felt incredibly alone, I wrote in my phone. And it hasn’t changed since then. I am tired of promises. Apologies. Aye, I know that I make one too many myself. I am tired of myself too.
I wish there was a way to can this rant…wish I could write better and wish I was anywhere but here inhabiting a mortal frame.