Do you believe in synchronicity? In the mysterious arrangement the Universe sometimes makes on our behalf?
I do. Or rather, I don’t believe as much as watch the magic unfold, if I allow the Universe to guide me.
Last week, I hosted the lovely Srividya Sivakumar for the MyndStories Minis Podcast. Now, I really don’t prepare for these podcasts – what can I prepare? I just fumble and bumble through, hating how my voice sounds at the end of it; the articulation and the pitch never right. (My therapist clearly has a lot of work to do with Don, my critical parent, that inner critic that latches on and never lets go)
But through the course of this conversation, the guest took a segue I didn’t expect. For some reason, we started talking about forgiveness. It definitely wasn’t part of the small list of questions I gave the guest before the show.
And these words struck:
“Life is easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.”
At that point, I felt the guest was talking to me, like an old friend might, who has watched me struggle these last few years. I had been waiting for an apology I never got – putting my life on hold for what is not to be. I had fought hard to get an apology from a boor, and despite knowing that fake words mean nothing, I had somehow given away some part of healing in waiting for remorse to make its penitent entry to my house.
And we all do that, don’t we? We keep waiting – for something to happen that will magically transform us.
Those words struck me. I stumbled through the rest of the conversation, but those words remained, a message from the Universe. This time, I will heed the guidance and wait for the wings of forgiveness to unfurl.
But there were other things we spoke about on the podcast:
- What it means to fall in love with words
- That D word called Depression
- How to find forgiveness
- On how writing can be cathartic
- On keeping a sense of joy, despite everything
And conversations are cathartic. I started writing in a freer way after this, without the anger that has dogged much of my work these last years. And the Universe started rewarding me for that – the first personal essay I wrote is already accepted for publication in the Asian literary magazine, Kitaab.
Next up: I am writing a personal essay on loss for an anthology.
We can transform our pain into power. We can.
May I invite you to join us in this conversation?
And may we all find the joy in existing, in being here, in the utter profundity of existence that grants us this precious moment. May we all find peace with the apologies we never got.
Today and always, I send you light.