“I just want to be heard!”
This is me during most of my therapy sessions.
All my life, I have craved this feeling of being held in silence and understanding.
My closest friend in life, Travelling Birdy, and I have a long friendship of almost 20 years. Like any other relationship, we have grown and regressed, come together, and fallen apart, slid down muddy roads, and climbed some icy mountains, but somehow, we have survived and thrived.
Among Birdy’s many good qualities, her ability to give solutions is priceless. My friend likes to fix problems.
And if she saw me in pain, she wanted to fix it because she is also deeply empathetic. The problem is we don’t want to be fixed many times.
We want to be heard.
It took many years before my friend understood how to hold space for silence and utter those magic words: I hear you. I feel you.
And with those words, I could almost always feel less alone – this feeling that this voice, that pain, has found its resting space.
Yesterday, on LinkedIn, I shared a post on 5 books I had read recently that were quite magical and asked for recommendations. (If you don’t find me posting here often, please head out to LinkedIn – I write there regularly)
In response, a therapist connected with me, Prarthana Pai (she/her), suggested a children’s book from that post with the evocative title ‘The Rabbit Listened.’ I had to go and read it. Or rather, watch it.
This beautiful video is worth 4 minutes on your Friday.
You will learn how sometimes hugs are more than words, and listening can be more powerful than fixing.
I wish you a day of gentle listening.
Birdy is way ahead of me. As a born fixer, it wasn’t until my 70s that I learned this important lesson. I hope it isn’t sexist to say that men, raised from childhood to fix things, may need more prompting to learn how to simply listen and understand.
Love this. I have a VERY introverted friend in town. It took me years to be comfortable in silence with her. At other times just listen to her and not try to find solutions. It was lesson that did not come easily to learn. But I have learned it and embrace it. Big hugs.
I think I am learning too – I get uncomfortable with silence and try to say too much. My therapist, haha, is a nightmare because what they do but keep waiting for you to fill the gaps? Sigh. Works like a charm for her.
Such a sweet little video. Yes very often, just listening is fixing.
Wow. What a quote. “Just listening is fixing.” Like what were you smoking? Haha. I need this as a tagline on MyndStories.