Spinal Shock

Musings / Wednesday, August 11th, 2010

Sometimes you find shock when you don’t expect. The kind of shock that creeps up slowly on you, and jolts you like a tender bucket of coffee dumped on a sleeping brain in the middle of the darkest hour of night.

I went to Copyscape. Entered this blog address there. Why? I don’t know. An instinct to protect these mad mutterings and utterings of mine. To see if anyone else has copied the stuff on this blog and to flatter myself hence. Copyscape claims to retrieve pages that have content similar to yours. It threw up just one result.


None of the content here was copied. It’s just that this particular site has the same Problogger template I use. Out of curiousity I went to the site.

And that’s when the first nerve endings of shock shivered up my spine.

There is just one post there. Just one. Weltschmerz. World Weary, in what I think is German. The post is almost suicidal, and the footer ominously says just this “GoodBye.” Who is ScatterBrain? I went to the About Me section. She is Karissa Lang. And I gasped at the photo. It was like looking at myself. Perhaps a few pounds lighter and thinner, but the resemblance was uncanny. And Chinese too…I am not Chinese, but my association with China is well known. There is nothing else on that site – links to a few songs, almost all of which are melancholic and well, despairing.

I googled her out next. And then the shiver of jolting shock reached a thumping crescendo. There was one Twitter entry. And this was it: Seriously considering killing myself, but don’t know if I can handle being dead…http://suicidemachine.org/

This was on 29th July. The Twitter page doesn’t exist anymore. It’s all a bit bizarre, the way this happened. And I wonder what is there in it for me, today of all days, when I have new plans, ideas and dreams. In this random world of ours, there are no coincidences. And I can only take this as a sign that my life is too precious now much for it to be wasted.

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