Musings / Saturday, April 2nd, 2011

I am really sorry to those wonderful people in my life whose mails I haven’t responded to yet. Thank you for writing in to me, I have been fairly lax in replying. But I hope you will like my reason.

After my previous two disastrous tests, I was determined to improve my scores in the Chinese tests. I was going through paroxysms of doubt – can I really learn another language? Almost a decade after I left university? I was alternating between despair and despondence. I wanted to quit, go back to India and study at my own pace. It prompted Birdy to launch a furious tirade. As anyone who knows her will say, getting Birdy angry is no easy task. “I know you are not a quitter!” she literally screamed. “Fine, go back to India, study one word a day. That is your pace!” when I said the pace of learning here was too fast. I had to look deep into a place I didn’t like looking into – that place in our hearts we call self-doubt. And I had to whisk that little elf away. So I launched into an intensive pace of studying. The only time I could reply to your emails was of course, when I am in my dorm. And once I wrote the obligatory blog post (which is a commitment I made before I came to China), I usually turn to learning through flashcards, or any other online means of learning.

It paid off a little when I came second in class yesterday. Just two behind the highest scorer. I was pleased. Yes, I am no quitter, although I come close to it. All the time. Sometimes, I feel that is the real difference between the winner and the loser. The loser always knows how to quit. The winner knows how not to quit. So, I am a bit behind in replying to your emails. I hope to do so soon…till then, I hope all is well in your world.

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