Have you ever used a proxy site?

I remember having vaguely used those many years ago. For reasons I can no longer remember. Perhaps, it was to access a blocked URL.

These days, we have proxy lives. We present a facade on social media – that’s our proxy ego. One that is carefully curated to show the best versions of ourselves. I write my soul out here because I want to show you that if you meet me, my scars are all visible – you know them as well as you know the palm of your hand. In writing here, I want to show the world that we are more than facades – we can be messy beings capable of love.

So, back to proxy.

We have proxy voting.

We have proxy attendees – I never had to cover up attendance shortfalls in college. But I do remember other classmates begging other students: Please da, give proxy da.

I remember all those today because I am very amused that a visitor from good ol’ Chennai accessed my site through a proxy.

Perhaps, I should gently point out to said visitor that you need a robust VPN to truly hide your visits to my site. Proxy sites won’t do that. The utterly lovely chap at your side, who is such a bastion of light for all of us, can surely guide you on that.

Or should I gently say that this hatred has to stop.

At some point, we need to understand what the Buddha said in his wisdom: “Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.”

There’s a reason why the Buddha was such a cool dude. He truly got suffering even though he never had to use a proxy server.

Sometimes, I don’t sleep well at night. But that’s because my mind swirls with invoices, bills, expenses, and a mountain of things that I wish I could control but can’t. But I have never had to lose sleep because I am constantly living in fear of what someone is saying about me. I am not checking anyone’s site to see what they are talking about. I am at peace knowing that my conscience is free – that my flaws are here for you to see – and that for all the hurt I cause people, I am constantly making amends. The peace in that is immense.

So, I say again, this cycle of fear, blocking, hatred, resentment, and bitterness must end. We can’t ask for proxy forgiveness. We can lead proxy lives, but ultimately, the truth of who we are will catch up. And no matter what, love and compassion will win.

At heart, I am saddened that this is what something that was briefly beautiful has turned into. This constant “What is Smitha saying? Who is she talking to? How dare she? What a bitch she is. Let me block. Stalk” version they have and my own “Who is visiting my site?” fear. This is no way to remember the people who walked in and out of our lives.

But I also realize I am proud of enforcing boundaries, standing up against misogyny, and always ensuring that my focus on compassion doesn’t waver.

“Life is long” indeed when you lead it by proxy.